With cancer on the rise, there is hardly anyone who doesn't at least know of someone who has cancer. If you have a friend or relative who has cancer ,what can you do to give him/ her support? Knowing how to interact with a cancer patient can mean the difference between actually supporting the friend or causing them more stress.
When you first hear that a friend or family member is dealing with cancer, your first emotion is probably one of pity. Pity is good, if it is followed by action. In fact one definition of pity is "to be moved to action in a pitiable situation". The Bible uses the term "moved with pity" to describe the emotion Jesus felt when he saw crowds of people in misery. He immediately relieved the people of their misery. Of course you cannot remove the cancer from your friend or family member, no matter how much pity you have for them. However, you can do some things that show that you truly feel pity for them.
Cancer
One of the best things you can do is listen to them when they talk about their condition and how they feel about it. Don't shy away from them. They have cancer, not the plague. What a cancer victim needs most is friends. A friend listens without judgment. So, when they are telling you how depressed they are and how negative they feel about the possible outcomes, listen. Do not contradict them. Do not say things like..." You are not going to die" or "You will be back to normal in no time"....these words, although well meant and sounding positive are not what the cancer victim needs to hear. Many times the reality is that they very well may die and they may never be able to live as they did in the past. A friend will acknowledge those facts and help the victim deal with those possible realities. A better response to the negative feelings that the patient is experiencing is to acknowledge those feelings. Agree with them that the possibility of them dying is very real and offer to do whatever you can to help them face that issue by helping them get their affairs in order before that happens, or offering to help in their care up to that time. Assure them that you will be with them all the way to the end. On the other hand, if the cancer is not of a terminal type and the risk of death is not very great , a response to the negative outlook of the patient might be: "Yes, you might die. That could be an outcome, but you have survived other things that came your way....remember when...( cite a true experience the patient has been through that was hard for them.) If the patient continues to be negative, it is well just to listen. Sometimes just venting negative feelings is a way of relieving stress . Just talking negative thoughts through eventually ends up positive. If the patient asks for an opinion, give an honest assessment, based on your knowledge of what is asked. Don't sugar coat matters or talk out of your expertise.
Offer to do research on the subject if you can't give an honest answer. But don't offer conflicting advice to a cancer patient. By that I mean, don't tell the patient that his choice of doctors, or choice of treatments is wrong. When a seriously ill person is confronted with conflicting advice about their condition, that only proves to add stress to his already stressed condition. The conflict exists between his confidence in one method that he has decided upon with conviction and trust, and another that has been proposed by someone he has trust in and perhaps love for. Whenever the person is around the loved one that has a differing opinion than his doctor....the stress builds. Stress is not good for a cancer patient.
Another very practical thing you can do for a cancer victim is to take them for their treatments or their doctor visits. If their spouse is working and can't accompany the patient, a friend can be a wonderful aid in this department. This will be appreciated both by the patient and the family. Often the visits, whether for a treatment or just a routine visit can be nerve racking. If a treatment is given, sickness often follows and a friend's loving presence is comforting. Another helpful task is preparing meals for the family while the patient is in the hospital and recovering. If the patient lives alone, meals can be prepared for their recovery period. Preparing meals that can be frozen and stored for later use is a very practical version of this. If the recuperation period is going to be a lengthy one, several friends can coordinate meal preparation. A third way to help the cancer patient...especially if their insurance isn't adequate to cover the expenses involved in the surgeries and treatments, is to offer financial assistance, either in the form of a loan, a gift, or research of charitable organizations that might be of assistance.
If the cancer victim refuses your offers for help, try offering the help in a different way. Instead of saying, "If you need someone to do this or that...call me". Ask for specific dates for surgeries, treatments or other "events" involving their condition and then say, "I will pick you up at [specified time] and take you to[specified place]. Instead of asking if you can prepare meals, just do it and bring them over when needed. Many people are "proud" and will not accept an offer of help. However, if they are met with help, most won't refuse it and are really happy to receive it.
The main things to remember about supporting a cancer victim is to "be there" for the patient. Do not ignore them and do not contradict them. Be a good listener and try to help them in practical ways.
How to Support a Cancer Victim Cancer
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